Why You and Your Partner Should Match Each Other’s Freak

R&B STAR TINASHE dropped her album Quantum Baby this year, completing the trilogy she began with BB and Ang3l, and with the release of lead single, coined her own instantly-immortal catchphrase. The song was “Nasty,” and the question, of course, was: “Is somebody gonna match my freak?”

In addition to a whole bunch of memes centering around figures from movies and TV shows who have, indeed, matched each other’s freak, the song has also led to the notion of “freak-matching” in real life.

But what does that mean, exactly?

Does “match my freak” refer to sex?

The short answer? Yes, absolutely. In the verse, Tinasha follows up the question “Is somebody gonna match my freak?” with another one: “Is somebody gonna match my nasty? I got stamina, they say I’m a athlete,” she continues. “Need somebody with a good technique.” It’s safe to say, we cracked the code. And much like SZA did with her track “Cuffing Season,” Tinashe is speaking to a very real thing that happens in modern dating.

The terms “freak” and “freaky” have long been used to describe someone who likes to get weird in the bedroom, although the descriptor defies further definition, and could mean anything from being a very passionate, vocal lover to having some pretty hardcore kinks.

This is the most likely and obvious context of the song: Tinashe is looking for someone who can meet her where she’s at in terms of sexual appetite and inclination. And she is right to put it out there! Sexual compatibility is a hugely important component of any healthy relationship, and being able to talk openly and honestly about what you’re into, especially in the early stages of seeing someone, helps to foster greater intimacy.

“Our pleasure preferences are as unique as our fingertips,” says sex therapist Dr. Megan Fleming. “It’s important when it comes to sexual preferences and fantasies that we don’t judge; we make room for our partner’s experience so that we can understand why from their perspective, these things are such a turn-on. Knowing the “why” something turns our partner on and knowing we have the power to turn them on in this way is, well, a real turn-on.”

Outside of a purely sexual context, matching somebody’s freak could also mean meeting somebody with whom you share something unusual in common. In a 2src24 study of dating trends, dating app Plenty of Fish found that 39 percent of singles have experienced freak-matching in this way, i.e. “connecting with someone over shared quirks, eccentricities, unique interests, or general ‘weirdness.'”

Does freak-matching have a deeper meaning?

On the surface of it, no. But if the overall meaning of the phrase within the song is to be upfront about what you want in bed, why not apply that to the rest of your relationship? Be honest about where you might be “freaky” in other areas of your life: your insecurities, your flaws, the less-than-perfect parts of you that you probably keep hidden away on the first couple of dates.

“It’s scary to let someone in to see our freak in the first place, let alone “match” it,” writes lifestyle and entertainment reporter David Oliver. “Whether it’s a friend, family member or romantic partner, vulnerability is something you must practice and others must earn with time and trust… If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that no one can read your mind. You have to say what you want in order to get what you want. You have to let you freak flag fly, so to speak.”

There’s a lot of discourse out there around how we should seek out partners who have complementary love languages and attachment styles. A simpler way to think of it could be to just go out there and look for somebody to match your freak—physically and emotionally.