What Is Sexual Outercourse? Experts Explain.

EVEN WITHOUT RECEIVING great sex education, you still likely know what sexual intercourse is. It’s how society and Western culture most commonly define sex: strict penetration (usually of the P in V variety).

But you may not have heard of outercourse, which, yes, still counts as sex, no matter what some naysayers may argue.

“Outercourse during sex is anything that does not involve penetration,” explains Lee Phillips, Ed.D., a psychotherapist and certified sex and couple’s therapist. “Therefore, this can include kissing, oral sex, mutual masturbation, edging, touching the anus, and also licking or eating the anus—commonly known as rimming.”

That being said, there’s room for interpretation. Outercourse suggests that penetration is avoided; however, some may only exclude penile-vaginal penetration, “meaning other forms are fair game and would include anal or even the use of sex toys,” says OB/GYN Shyama Mathews, M.D., Medical Advisor for the sexual wellness brand, Playground.

Below, with the help of medical sex experts, we break down some of the most commonly asked questions about outercourse, including why people prefer it, how to engage in it pleasurably, and some of the risks (still) involved.

Is outercourse the same as abstinence?

It depends on your definition of abstinence—which, like, outercourse, is a little up for interpretation. Typically, though, outercourse and abstinence are not the same thing as abstinence is usually defined as “choosing to not have any sexual activity at all,” including outercourse, explains Philips.

However, if you interpret abstinence as avoiding acts that could lead to pregnancy as opposed to avoiding sexual acts altogether, then yes, they could be construed as the same, Mathews says.

Can you still get pregnant with outercourse?

Nope (which is why many people prefer outercourse to intercourse). “Even if there is contact with semen externally, unless it enters the vaginal canal, pregnancy is unlikely,” Mathews says.

Why might people prefer to engage or only engage in outercourse?

There are several reasons why someone might prefer or exclusively engage in outercourse, explains sex and relationship therapist Joe Kort, Ph.D.

Vaginal and anal pain is a big reason, he says. Anally, someone may have hemorrhoids or fissures that make it painful to have sex—or may have a digestive issue such as IBS or Crohn’s disease that makes bottoming (being the receptive anal partner) challenging.

Some men may have a medical disorder that inhibits erections (or struggle with anxiety-induced erectile dysfunction). And many people are trying to avoid pregnancy but still want to be intimate, or are simply virgins who aren’t ready to have penetrative intercourse just yet.

While some people may prefer or exclusively engage in outercourse because they’ve been sexually abused, “Most people that I meet don’t have a trauma or abuse history; they are just not into intercourse,” Kort says. It’s simply a matter of preference, like apples or oranges.

“Keep in mind that many women don’t reach orgasm with vaginal penetration alone,” Mathews adds. Nearly 82% of percent of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone (without additional clitoris stimulation). Only 18.4% of women report that intercourse alone is sufficient to orgasm, notes a heavily quoted 2src17 study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. So, for many women, outercourse is much more likely to lead to orgasm!

Do you still risk sexually transmitted infections (STIs) with outercourse?

If only outercourse prevented all STIs, but alas, several STIs are passed simply through skin-to-skin contact, including syphilis. “Herpes and genital warts are spread if lesions are present,” Mathews adds. “And chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichomonas, and HIV can spread if bodily fluids are exchanged, such as through oral or anal sex.”

That said, most people are safe with mutual masturbation if they are touching their own genitals.

So, is outercourse just foreplay for those who like intercourse?

For most of us, outercourse is a form of foreplay (or at least, it really should be). But for some, outercourse isn’t foreplay. It’s not the appetizer; it’s the final meal. And there’s nothing “wrong” about that. If you don’t like penetrative sex or intercourse, you’re not damaged or weird. You’re not abnormal or deviant. You’re completely healthy and normal. Joe Kort has made it his mission to destigmatize those who prefer or only engage in outercourse.

In fact, he coined a term for queer men who only engage in outercourse, calling them sides. “There is one survey that found that most gay men engage in side behavior for the most part, even if they enjoy topping and bottoming. They say ‘siding’ is less work and easier.”

And let us not forget, outercourse can still very much develop intimacy and connection. Mathews says, “If your partner isn’t really up for penetrative intercourse, outercourse may still be sexually satisfying for you both.”