What Is a Power Bottom? Here’s What the Sex Term Really Means—And How to Figure Out if It’s Right for You

You’ve probably heard the term “pillow princess” to describe a sexual partner who likes to lie back and receive pleasure in the bedroom (without doing much else). But did you know there’s a term to describe the opposite scenario: i.e., a man who likes to run the show, even when he’s on the receiving end of sex?

In the queer community, these men are known as “power bottoms.”

They’re the kind of sex partner who doesn’t just lie there—instead, a power bottom “takes an active, confident, and directive role” during sex, says Jesse Kahn, LCSW, CST, sex therapist and director of the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York. “They might be ‘receiving,’ but they’re not passive.” For example, they might control the tempo of sex and depth of penetration or tell the top partner to switch positions.

And when it comes to sexual power dynamics, power bottoms know there’s a difference between being penetrated and being submissive, and that even when you’re on the receiving end of intercourse, you can still be the more dominant partner. (Note: This is not the same as “topping from the bottom,” a bad practice in BDSM wherein a submissive partner turns the agreed-upon power dynamic upside down.)

The term “power bottom” means different things to different people—and that’s perfectly fine.

“Like any sexual identity or descriptor, the meaning can totally vary from person to person depending on how they relate to power, pleasure, and control,” says Kahn. “What matters most is how you define it for yourself.”

For adult performer and self-proclaimed power bottom Richard JMV, 32 (link NSFW), being a power bottom is all about presence. “A power bottom isn’t as easy to describe unless you’re talking about energy,” he says. “There’s an energy you can always see and feel from a power bottom’s presence.”

The way JMV describes it, being a power bottom is really a state of mind; it’s knowing that when you decide to have sex with someone, it is their privilege. “Think: ‘I’m getting fucked, but I’m still running the show’—that’s the vibe,” adds Kahn.

Anyone who identifies as a “bottom” can become a “power bottom.”

“If you’re a bottom who finds yourself directing the pace, giving instructions, and/or taking control of your pleasure in an active way, you might consider if the term ‘power bottom’ is a good fit for you,” says Kahn. “It’s less about switching roles and more about embracing confidence, control, or assertiveness while still being the receptive partner.”

The path to becoming a power bottom looks different for everyone and depends on what you want your sex life to look like. That said, many power bottoms tend to operate within the general themes of taking initiative, being in control, and providing direction. To figure out if being a power bottom feels good to you, consider trying these strategies from Kahn:

• Initiate sex.
• Guide the other person’s/people’s movements.
• Set the tone by sharing what you like and leading with your desires.
• Experiment with shifting power dynamics, through dirty talk, positioning, or eye contact that says, “I’m in charge.”

Essentially, being a power bottom is “all about leaning into what feels empowering to you while staying connected and communicative,” says Kahn. Meaning, anyone can try taking on this role in the bedroom, and everyone can—and should—enjoy the experience.

Being a power bottom is an undeniable source of pride for many queer men.

There are a ton of stereotypes associated with bottoms, such as being more effeminate, submissive, and emotionally needy. Being a power bottom bucks those stereotypes and shows that bottoms can be dominant, commanding, and masculine, too.

As Paul, 55, explains, “While I knew I was a bottom in my teens, it wasn’t until I was well into my 2srcs that I began to understand my body and how it worked.” Only then was he able to become the self-proclaimed power bottom he is today. Paul’s power bottom transformation coincided with finding “my voice during sex.”

“It was then that I realized how powerful I was as a bottom,” he says. Taking pride in his sexual identity allowed Paul to level up his sexual experiences, too—something he encourages every power bottom to do. “Power bottoms have the best whole-body orgasms when they truly free themselves and enjoy sex,” he says. And enjoying yourself is the… bottom line.