What Is a ‘Nanoship’ Exactly?

CASUAL RELATIONSHIPS COME in all different shapes and sizes, depending on what we happen to be needing or looking for at any given moment. There’s the one-off hookup, the sneaky link (also known as the friends with benefits), and of course, the situationship. But while a situationship bears somewhat of a resemblance to an actual relationship, playing out over days, weeks, or even months, there is also a version of this that takes place within much more of a micro scale. Say hello to the nanoship.

What is a nanoship?

“The prefix ‘nano’ essentially means incredibly small. A nanoship is the smallest variation of a relationship,” says queer sex educator and journalist Gabrielle Kassel. “In the vein of the ‘low maintenance, low commitment’ partner trend à la Barbie, nanoships are relationships that require no (or very few) expectations, involve no commitment or titles, have no strings or pressured attached, and—here’s the catch—may not even last longer than a few seconds.”

That’s right; a nanoship can be fleeting in the most literal sense. And they’re so common, you have almost certainly had one yourself, perhaps without knowing what to call it.

“The brief (mutual!) eye-sex you had with the stranger on the subway? That’s a nanoship.” Kassel states. “the flirty vibe between you and the person with the same coffee pick-up schedule? That’s a nanoship, too.”

These interactions didn’t previously have a specific name. If anything, they were acknowledged as nothing more than a flirty vibe, a fun exchange, or simply a reminder that you’re a person in the world constantly interacting and connecting with other people. However, Kassel believes that “giving these interactions a name honors the power that they can have in our lives.”

“Like other labels, they can have a validating quality,” she explains. “They also elevate small joyous moments that we tend to take for granted into the territory of something worth naming, noticing, and claiming as part of our lives.”

Is a nanoship the same as a situationship?

The key difference between a nanoship and a situationship is that a nanoship is never actually consummated with sex, or even a date.

“As soon as a nano ship— again, that’s a brief interaction with someone, usually a stranger that is flirty — gets elevated through phone number exchange, DM conversation, date plans, or smooching, it stops being a nano ship, and evolves into something else,” says Kassel. “A situationship implies that there is some degree of sexual and/or romantic contact, usually with a layer of emotional baggage that nanoships haven’t yet had the time or space to get entangled with.”

The word nanoship is still relatively new, and it’s highly possible that if you find yourself texting a friend to tell them about the nanoship you experienced with somebody you met while walking in the park or at a work party, you’ll be met with a blank expression. And that’s OK.

“Do you need to use the term for your flirty interactions? Of course not!” Kassel says. “If labeling these whimsical interactions somehow makes them feel less free, unencumbered, or burdened by expectations, don’t do it. But if calling them nano ships gives yourself permission to honor the potential joy, confidence boost, and aliveness of brief human encounters, go forth!”