Everything You’ve Ever Possibly Wanted to Know About Chodes

THERE ARE SOME words that are so funny—not to mention fun to say—that you use them all the time in everyday conversation, but that can fall out of usage almost overnight as we mature or as the culture moves on. Take the Y2K-era term “chode,” for example.

I don’t know about you, but chodes were all the rage for me and my friends back in high school. We described anything that was short and fat as a chode. A weird-looking park bench? A chode. A particularly rotund chipmunk? A chode. We loved using the word so much it got applied to an increasingly spurious range of things. Your mom? Definitely a chode.

We would also speculate on guys who we thought had chodes, like our friend Simon. He had a chode for days, for sure. Then, of course, we would just call each other chodes whenever we were doing dumb shit.

Clearly, the word is versatile. It’s used to describe various things, penises, and even friends. But, outside of teenage boy vernacular, what actually is a chode? Where does the word come from? And how common are they in real life? Let’s break it down.

So, what exactly is a chode?

Dictionary.com defines chode as “slang for a penis wider than it is long.” The top definition on Urbandictionary.com—the go-to “dictionary” for all things slang—defines a chode as “a fat fucking dick. A dick that is wider than it is long. A real turn-off for the ladies.” (There’s something in the way that’s written where you can really hear the words out loud, and I do not like it.)

Dictionary.com also notes that the word chode has other meanings. Apparently, some folks use it to describe the perineum, that strip of skin between your anus and testicles/vulva. It’s worth noting that in my many years of talking about sex stuff, I’ve never heard “chode” used in reference to the perineum, so I do question how common this usage is. The perineum is more frequently called a “taint” or “grundle.”

Additionally, the word can be hurled at someone in lieu of the word idiot, similar to the way that “tool” and “douchebag” often are, Dictionary.com notes. (Can we take a moment to appreciate how in-depth Dictionary.com is going to define this word?)

Where did the word “chode” come from?

Unclear, but it definitely grew to popularity in the ‘9srcs thanks to none other than the infamous MTV duo Beavis and Butt-Head. In season one episode four, titled “Balloon,” Beavis called Butt-Head a choadsmoker, i.e., cocksucker, after Butt-Head said a classic “your mom” zinger.

According to Dictionary.com, the show actually used the word chode to describe other things too, leaving fans uncertain as to what the word actually meant. (Seriously, they really went above and beyond for this definition!)

However, in the 2srcsrcsrcs, multiple articles and comedians began to solidify the meaning of chode to what it now means today.

How common are chodes IRL?

Are chodes real? Or is it simply a mythical creature alongside the Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot, and Cornholio?

To get to the bottom of this, I spoke to Michael Ingber, MD, a urologist and urogynecologist at Garden State Urology, whom I’m certain was confused when I sent him an email with a title that read, “What’s the deal with chodes?”

Well, first off, he explained that to correctly determine whether a penis is in fact a chode, it has to be measured erect. A flaccid penis doesn’t necessarily reflect the size of a bad boy when it’s full mast. Also, one’s flaccid penis size is dependent on external factors too, like cold water, as I’m sure you already know. So you may have a flaccid penis that’s all-around small and because of this, the girth is slightly longer than the length. That isn’t a chode. We’re talking wider in girth than length when erect.

“While there is no data to my knowledge on ‘chode’ prevalence specifically, it’s safe to assume that they are very rare,” Ingber says. That said, he noted a few factors that may contribute to those fellas who do have chodes. Genetics plays a role, as well as an individual’s anatomy, he explains. “For example, obese men with lots of suprapubic fat often have what we call a ‘retractile penis.’ This pulls the penis back into the body, which can make a penis look abnormally short.”

Now, if you’re disappointed by the lack of actual chodes on Earth, but still want to use the word often and correctly, I suggest using the word as an adjective. Go ahead and describe a penis as “chody.” In this case, the penis might not be wider than it is long, but it is some combination of wider and shorter than the average penis. You’re welcome.