5 Reasons Therapy ‘Didn’t Work’ for You

Therapy is often hyped up as the ultimate fix for any mental health concern. So if you’ve ever walked out of a session thinking, Well, why didn’t it do anything for me?, we get your frustration. Maybe that emotional breakthrough moment (like in Good Will Hunting) never happened. Or even after opening up, you still feel as if you’ve made zero progress.

After a disappointing experience, it’s easy to second-guess whether you’re somehow “too broken” to be “fixed,” or if your problems are too big even for a licensed professional to tackle. But these assumptions aren’t accurate, Esther Boykin, LMFT, founder of Group Therapy Associates in Washington, DC, tells SELF. The reality is, mental health support looks different for everyone—and what works for one person may not be helpful for another.

So if you’re feeling left out (or let down), we asked the therapists themselves for some of the most common reasons why—and how to set yourself up for a better experience.

1. You haven’t found the most helpful type of therapy.

Therapy is often painted as this scene where you lie on a couch, spill your guts, and magically get all the answers from an expert. But, as you’ve probably figured out by now, it’s not that simple…or straightforward.

When it comes to your treatment options, there are actually tons of different approaches to fit both your mental health concerns and your needs as a client. If your appointments have been feeling like unproductive vent sessions, you might appreciate approaches such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), which focus on learning actionable skills and coping mechanisms. Or if chatting alone isn’t helping you work through your childhood wounds, you might look into eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), a unique way to recall traumatic memories and reduce their intensity. And even if talk therapy isn’t your thing, you’ve still got alternatives like art therapy or body-centered somatic practices to consider.

It’s also true that “certain concerns and diagnoses have what we call a ‘golden standard’ of care,” Annabelle Dortch, PsyD, a licensed psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, tells SELF. For instance, exposure therapy tends to be the go-to for obsessive-compulsive disorder. For many, though, “a lot of it will depend on your personal preference,” Dr. Dortch adds—something you can absolutely ask your current or potential therapists about. (After all, they’re trained to know about the differences and recommend what’s best for you.)

2. You didn’t see the “right” therapist.

On that note, modality isn’t the only thing that influences a positive match. According to Boykin, finding a good therapist is kind of like dating. Just because it didn’t work once doesn’t mean relationships generally aren’t for you. Rather, “this person simply isn’t a good fit,” she explains—and that same logic applies to meeting a provider who helps you grow too.

At baseline, you should feel safe, not judged, and comfortable opening up to this person, Dr. Dortch says. Of course, the types of therapies they’re trained in greatly influence whether you’ll mesh, but little factors can play a role too—personality differences (maybe you’re looking for someone who’s calm and soft-spoken, and this one is a bit too high-energy), communication style (perhaps your ideal practitioner is direct and blunt—no positive fluff), or just the overall vibe. Without that rapport, both experts agree it can be tough to be comfortably you.

3. You’re holding back.

To get the most out of your sessions, you’ve got to be honest and vulnerable, Boykin says—something that’s easier said than done. To give you an example: Maybe you’re ranting about how your partner raised their voice at dinner…while conveniently leaving out that, technically, you hurled the first few insults and constantly interrupted them too.

There are a few reasons you could be holding back, whether you realize it or not. Perhaps you don’t know how to put complex feelings into words. Or shame is what’s stopping you from owning the unhealthy patterns you want to change. Regardless of why, it’s important to know that withholding what’s really going on in your life (and head) can get in the way of your progress.

“If you don’t get to a place where you’re going to be brutally honest, where you’re giving the full picture, then your therapist is going to be less effective simply because they don’t have all the information they need,” Boykin explains. And how are you supposed to process uncomfortable emotions or break bad patterns when you’re not even admitting they exist to the person trained to help?

4. You’re not consistent or committed to the process.

There’s no right or wrong frequency for how often someone “should” go to therapy. But consistency does matter if you want to see real progress. “I tell patients all the time: You can’t really start and only go once a month,” Boykin explains. Otherwise, “You’re never really developing momentum and building the rapport necessary to make it effective.”

Other habits, like constantly being late or skipping appointments, can subtly signal that maybe you’re not fully committed to the process…right now, at least. Ultimately, those big aha moments and breakthroughs come when you’re showing up and putting in the effort on a regular basis. Without that, it’s easy to feel stuck or disconnected, like you’re not really getting anywhere.

5. You’re expecting instant, permanent results.

“If there’s one thing that’s true about therapy, it’s that it’s not a magic bullet,” Dr. Dortch says—meaning it may not be the case that therapy hasn’t worked, but rather it just hasn’t worked…yet.

For starters, simply building a relationship and trust with a provider takes time, Dr. Dortch points out. Not to mention, many therapy goals—like wanting to be a better partner, channeling rage in a healthier way, processing years of childhood trauma—are long-term processes that can’t be learned in weeks, sometimes not even months.

Even then, you might not feel a huge change the way you were expecting. Remember, most signs of improvement (being a little more resilient, consistently using “I” statements, identifying your triggers) are subtle. “I always say progress is like falling asleep,” Boykin says. “Slowly, slowly, then all of a sudden you’ll have a moment where you reflect and realize how so many things have changed.”

So if therapy is something you’re still open to exploring, don’t let past “failed” attempts dishearten you. Just because it didn’t click right away doesn’t mean it can’t. And if it turns out that this brand of mental health care isn’t for you? That’s okay too. “Therapy isn’t the only way to experience support, growth, or increase self-understanding,” Dr. Dortch explains—and whether your personal journey includes leaning on community or diving into your own self-care rituals, what matters most is discovering how you best feel seen, heard, and uplifted.