3 Things To Do If You Really, Really Hate New Year’s Eve

For a long time, I detested New Year’s Eve. There was always so much pressure to dress up, go out, be happy, and celebrate. But I never enjoyed squeezing into packed bars with overpriced cocktails—and I definitely didn’t like the following day’s hangover. And the times I didn’t have plans, I felt like, well, a loser—like everyone was traveling or partying except for me.

If you can relate, we’re far from the only ones. “New Year’s Eve is often associated with celebration—gathering crowds, champagne popping, and so on—but so many people have complex or outright negative feelings about the holiday,” Matt Sosnowsky, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of Philadelphia Talk Therapy, tells SELF. For some, staying in can trigger feelings of loneliness or anxiety about not doing (or being) enough. And because New Year’s Eve marks the passage of time, it can also stir up regret about the past year or uncertainty about the future.

With all that emotional baggage, you might be tempted to opt out of the festivities entirely. I’ve been there—and by there, I mean in bed at 11:45 p.m. questioning all of my life choices. But here’s the thing: No matter the reason you hate NYE, approaching the day with a little intention can make it less hellish and maybe even—dare I say it?—fun. So if you typically dread December 31, stick with me. There are a few ways you can salvage the holiday, no glitzy outfits or exclusive tickets required.

Draft a list of this year’s wins—whatever that means to you.

Many people use NYE to think about what they want out of the year ahead, making big resolutions and setting lofty goals. And while some find that motivating, it can leave others feeling like they’re falling short before the new year even begins. “There’s this tremendous pressure to think about what you should be doing or what you haven’t accomplished,” Sosnowsky says.

To counter this, Sosnowsky recommends whipping up a list of highlights from the past year. As you do—maybe in a journal, notes app, or voice note—don’t get tripped up on flashy accomplishments. Sure, you can include that big professional milestone you reached, but small moments that brought you joy or made you proud are worth including too. Maybe you were there for a friend who needed support, finally stopped snoozing your alarm (just me?), or set boundaries with a toxic family member. And if you faced adversity? Give yourself credit for that too. “Life is hard, so if you successfully navigated a move or made it through a breakup, that’s worth recognizing,” says Sosnowsky.

If you’re stuck, try perusing your photos, texts, emails, or calendar to jog your memory. The point is to appreciate and celebrate what’s already good—not mull over what you want to change in the year ahead.

Plan an activity you’ll actually look forward to.

I’ve found that one of the biggest issues people have with NYE is that they feel forced to go out and stay up late (à la me in that crowded bar) or bummed if their only plan is to hang at home (and doomscroll as everyone else lives it up). My friend Jackie, for example, has long felt like there’s this unspoken pressure to have big, exciting plans to ring in the new year. So, finally fed up with always feeling disappointed, she decided to use the holiday to practice self-care. Now, instead of stressing over what other people are doing, she treats herself to a spa treatment like a massage or facial.

The lesson here? If December 31 always feels like a let down, forget what’s expected of you and ask yourself what you’d genuinely enjoy doing instead, suggests Sosnowsky. For my pal Jackie, that’s getting pampered. For me, it’s sitting on the sofa in pajamas as I watch Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper get tipsy on live TV. But maybe for you that’s baking a decadent dessert, ordering your fave takeout, or getting lost in a captivating puzzle or book.

Another option: Spend the day mapping out something fun for 2src25—a vacation, a day trip to a nearby town, or dinner at a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try. Why? Research shows that planning, preparing, and gathering info for a future activity makes you feel excited and enthusiastic. So rather than feel disappointed you don’t have anything major going on for New Year’s, you have something to look forward to, says Sosnowsky.

Do something kind for others.

Another way to feel less crappy about NYE is to shift your focus away from yourself. A super-effective way to go about this? Do something compassionate for another person—whether it’s a stranger, a neighbor, a pal you’ve lost touch with, or your best friend in the world.

When you focus on doing good for others, you’re less attuned to your own negative feelings, Sosnowsky says. Studies show that acts of kindness are also potent mood boosters. One report found that trying to make someone else happy actually makes you way happier than if you tried to do something nice for yourself. “You can flip the script on New Year’s and shift the spotlight to someone else and their world rather than your own,” Sosnowsky says.

So volunteer with a local charity or visit an elderly family member who might not have a lot going on, he suggests. Or write and send gratitude letters—or an email or text message—to a few friends or loved ones. Let them know why you appreciate them or how they’ve improved your life. An added perk: Writing a note to a good pal can foster connection and reduce feelings of loneliness, research shows.

New Year’s Eve may never be your favorite holiday, but it doesn’t have to be a dumpster fire of a day. It is, after all, just one day out of 365. Let go of the narrative that it has to be a grand celebration, and do whatever you want—even if that means falling asleep at 9 p.m. to a buzzed Andy Cohen.